Mixed Emotions.......
The third semester. Great expectations and all that jazz was what we started it with. But this semester has caused a great deal of illusionment to me. I have no idea but this last 3 months or so I have been so contrary that I am amazed at times to think if that was me at all.
The sem started with me coming out of my closet(No snickering Folks!!). All last sem i had maintained a fair distance from the fairer sex. I decided to change that and in a way I guess I did. But that seemed to be the least of my troubles. The contrary nature of the semester started with the coll elections. I stood for class rep(why?? for the life of me i cannot tell u now!! because i dont know!!) Well that was a harrowing experience. Something that u dont want to go thru ever at all.
Thr was always compsoc work and while i seemed to be doing well in all my dept papers EDC has remained my bugbear this semester. I have no idea what i am doing wrong, just a suspicion that i am doing something wrong. The second contrary incident was of course the results. i got good results but not how i expected them to be. Grades were all upside down. But lets not dwell too much on tht.
Moving on .... For some reason these three months saw me more depressed and irritable than ever before. I have been floating in and out of relationships and not defining any of them. i dint even try to(and here relationships mean mostly friendships). I have not bothered to think about the consequences of any of my actions. Something that i have not done in nearly 4 years now. Why this recklessness u ask?? i have no idea. Just like, i have no idea about why i am depressed or why i am out of it at times.
I lost my temper with a classmate for the first time in nearly three years now. The last time i lost my temper in such a public manner was when i was in goa as part of our school trip during my final year there. I had thought i had got a hanle on my temper. But my emotions were frayed and i was at an all time low and it just happened. For my classmates in college who had herebefore seen only my affable side were surprised but then none of my school friends knew about it for surely they would have said i was slipping back into the quagmire i had gotten myself out of.(I am carrying on a bit here i know but still it took me a lot of effort to get a handle on my temper and i was surprised by the suddeness with which i lost it).
But all was not dark and murky this sem. During one of my lighter moods I came up with the A-> XYZ theory and lol tht was a lot of fun. At compsoc i guess i have started fashioning myself after raghav. Teh fellow has become like a mentor to me now. And i guess i am very simliar to him. The fellow is one person to whom i tell most of the things that is happening in my life. Other than that i seem to have cut myself adrift with talking to very few people about my true feelings or moods or states in the last few months. I guess only Siva has listened to them other than raghav and i was sorry to burden him with it.
Vishnu and Harini are two people i have closely interacted wih this semester.(hey this is getting too personal maybe i shouldnt mention so many names here....) Anyways Life is a constant struggle nowadays and I guess for some reason vishnu , siva and i have formed a close bond. The two have carried on a crusade to cheer me up i should say(not really understanding why but still making an effort).
This semester i dont seem to remeber much about classes except algorithms. Now tht is the one bright spot in the timetable. I truly enjoy those classes and no matter what the mood i am in i always perk up after this class. Great subject and a great teacher.
Well i wanted to mention about sparks but i guess this is not the blog to talk about it in. i will write one tommorrow for tht. this one is too dark and foreboding. for those of u who think i have been aimless in this endeavour or tht i have been too miserable... well tht was how i have felt in this sem so far. so i guess this blog is a fair tesatimonial to the mood i am in.
Adios Amigos ........ the next one wil be in a brighter tone i promise...... bear with me.
The third semester. Great expectations and all that jazz was what we started it with. But this semester has caused a great deal of illusionment to me. I have no idea but this last 3 months or so I have been so contrary that I am amazed at times to think if that was me at all.
The sem started with me coming out of my closet(No snickering Folks!!). All last sem i had maintained a fair distance from the fairer sex. I decided to change that and in a way I guess I did. But that seemed to be the least of my troubles. The contrary nature of the semester started with the coll elections. I stood for class rep(why?? for the life of me i cannot tell u now!! because i dont know!!) Well that was a harrowing experience. Something that u dont want to go thru ever at all.
Thr was always compsoc work and while i seemed to be doing well in all my dept papers EDC has remained my bugbear this semester. I have no idea what i am doing wrong, just a suspicion that i am doing something wrong. The second contrary incident was of course the results. i got good results but not how i expected them to be. Grades were all upside down. But lets not dwell too much on tht.
Moving on .... For some reason these three months saw me more depressed and irritable than ever before. I have been floating in and out of relationships and not defining any of them. i dint even try to(and here relationships mean mostly friendships). I have not bothered to think about the consequences of any of my actions. Something that i have not done in nearly 4 years now. Why this recklessness u ask?? i have no idea. Just like, i have no idea about why i am depressed or why i am out of it at times.
I lost my temper with a classmate for the first time in nearly three years now. The last time i lost my temper in such a public manner was when i was in goa as part of our school trip during my final year there. I had thought i had got a hanle on my temper. But my emotions were frayed and i was at an all time low and it just happened. For my classmates in college who had herebefore seen only my affable side were surprised but then none of my school friends knew about it for surely they would have said i was slipping back into the quagmire i had gotten myself out of.(I am carrying on a bit here i know but still it took me a lot of effort to get a handle on my temper and i was surprised by the suddeness with which i lost it).
But all was not dark and murky this sem. During one of my lighter moods I came up with the A-> XYZ theory and lol tht was a lot of fun. At compsoc i guess i have started fashioning myself after raghav. Teh fellow has become like a mentor to me now. And i guess i am very simliar to him. The fellow is one person to whom i tell most of the things that is happening in my life. Other than that i seem to have cut myself adrift with talking to very few people about my true feelings or moods or states in the last few months. I guess only Siva has listened to them other than raghav and i was sorry to burden him with it.
Vishnu and Harini are two people i have closely interacted wih this semester.(hey this is getting too personal maybe i shouldnt mention so many names here....) Anyways Life is a constant struggle nowadays and I guess for some reason vishnu , siva and i have formed a close bond. The two have carried on a crusade to cheer me up i should say(not really understanding why but still making an effort).
This semester i dont seem to remeber much about classes except algorithms. Now tht is the one bright spot in the timetable. I truly enjoy those classes and no matter what the mood i am in i always perk up after this class. Great subject and a great teacher.
Well i wanted to mention about sparks but i guess this is not the blog to talk about it in. i will write one tommorrow for tht. this one is too dark and foreboding. for those of u who think i have been aimless in this endeavour or tht i have been too miserable... well tht was how i have felt in this sem so far. so i guess this blog is a fair tesatimonial to the mood i am in.
Adios Amigos ........ the next one wil be in a brighter tone i promise...... bear with me.
posted by Srikant Easwaran at 8:31 AM
2 Comments:
Not a bad post da.. Brings out what u seem to have felt during this sem.. And as for the tempers thing, dont worry too much about it.. My actions were calculated to bring you to that point only :P Frankly speaking, i was not on very good terms with u this sem.. but when it comes right down to it, we`re friends. Hope the next sem is better!
yeah mate hope so. i cant take too much of this u know. and yeah i know we both have been terse to each other and i am not sure who is to blame for it actually. maybe both of us or maybe the circumstances da.
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